A blended family can truly be a blessing, but honey it takes WORK!
In this new space. One of complete authenticity. I have been and will be sharing more about my life. My story.
Many of you know that I have a blended family. But you may not know how it came to be and the struggle that comes with it.
And the struggle is Real!
They say we all have baggage but finding true love is when it’s with someone willing to help you unpack.
Being a single mother is held like a badge of honor to some. As a space to celebrate holding the position of two while being one. Making a way, making due, the stress, the struggle and all that comes with it.
But not for me.
I never bought into the fairytale of marriage. But once I became a mother, I understood why it was better partnered with being a wife.
The love between my husband and I was mutually beneficial. I nursed some open wounds he had where life got him. In exchange for his effortless unconditional love of me and my daughter.Our blended family was formed. From love. Click To Tweet
By the time we got married, our one and only child was 8 years old. My husband and I both come from situations of being the eldest sibling of 2, with a 12 year gap. We vowed that if we had one, we would have two, for that reason.
But when God blessed us with a child who didn’t sleep, we quickly ate those words.
You have to be careful of what you put into the universe because God hears it. And he will give you what you want.
In late 2014,we found ourselves welcoming another child into our home. Our youngest was almost 2. Only this time, I hadn’t physically gave birth.
My husbands sister was involved in an accident. At that time her young son, who was six at the time, was now that second child we said we wanted.
Not how we pictured it, or planned. But that’s how it was given.
To say that it has been hard is an understatement. For my husband and I alike.
To transition a child who has lost the only parent they know, in with your own biological children, unexpectedly, is a divine assignment to say the least.
We were blended from the beginning. This new blend is a whole new ball game.
We all struggle to find our place. Still. We are in year two.
I don’t want him to feel like I am trying to replace his mom. He is finding his space in the fold. Seeing him living with us is a reminder to my hubby of what he lost. And my kids, well they have issues anyway if you ask me.
I also find myself being really protective. When a new school year starts, I usually try to make contact with the teacher ahead of time to explain the dynamics.
I am glad I did it the first year, and now I see why I have to.
When a child has a timeline assignment to show pictures and write stories about every year of their life, it’s no big deal.
Unless those photos don’t exist. And the memories you have are ones of loss.
Or when you go to the doctor and they automatically say “hey mom can you…”. Or they ask questions that you should know they answer to. But instead you don’t.
So when we and my best friend of years got together, he saw my bags grabbed them and was willing to help me carry and even unpack.
I, in turn, am doing the same for him. Although a space he, nor I, planned for, or imagined to be in, we are balancing out each others weight. Carrying the load. Doing the work.There are no steps in my home except the ones going upstairs. Click To Tweet
While I know that traditional families have their own struggles too. I often find myself wishing that my blended family was one made up of children produced only by my husband and I.
Then I snap back into reality and realize that the work that it takes to do this, we have been chosen to do. It’s our blessing,
It’s still hard none the less.
But this is why I am a blended family enthusiast. It runs deep.