Singleness is an interesting thing, especially for a young woman.
I always jokingly say that I would not want to be dating in these times because of all of the facades, the social media, the dating sites, the everything.
For a young woman who has a love for Jesus and desires to please him, dating gets that much more interesting.
There are some things that will definitively change when you accept christ into your heart. For each one of us it will be different.
The rules aren’t different and the standards certainly aren’t negotiable. The difference is moreso because of the fact that we are all different. And just like we don’t all look alike, we are in different spaces with our walks in christ. We are in different spaces in life in general.
God is so dope in that he meets us right where we are. And while you don’t have to be perfect to come to God, he is definitely gonna change you, change your heart, change your ways.
He just cleans us up and makes us better. Just like that…
…okay maybe not that simple, but you get my point.
We will all be differently convicted, concerned, and even committed to our walks. Which ultimately determines what needs to change, what has to go, what needs to increase, what needs to be.
I know this one girl.
She’s a young girl.
A smart girl.
She hasn’t always been, but she is now; and she is one of the most amazing people that I know.
Not because she is saved. But because she is so aware, so in tune, so much wiser than I ever was at her age.
She came to visit me and my family in our new home state recently and her presence was a gift.
We talked, we laughed, we shared our testimonies. Oh, and, we ate, we chilled, we did projects.
We had a good time.
But I wanted to share with you guys a story of dating. Dating and singleness. Saved, Singleness and Dating
For her it is one those things that changed. It is one of those things that God spoke directly to her heart on. And she is sharing how her dating life changed when she accepted God into her heart.
Meet Amber Zuri!
In this one, of a two-part series, she is sharing her story of dating. Before she got saved.
The concept of dating, even before I was saved, didn’t really seem to have a point. When guys approached me, or if I made an attempt to get to know someone, it always felt like I was supposed to prove something or give something I wasn’t comfortable giving. It was almost like I had to sell myself, and the times where I genuinely wasn’t interested I received back harsh words.
In high school, the purpose of “going together” seemed to be a temporary popularity contest. It was actually expected to be short term. I don’t recall many friends seriously considering marriage, just a fairy tale something, for however long was convenient.It was almost like I had to sell myself -Amber Zuri #savedsingleanddating Click To Tweet
In the few relationships I had during that time, I remember my expectations being shallow and superficial.
I’m a planner by nature, and have always been forward thinking about seasons and people in my life. If I wasn’t happy or no longer wanted to be in a relationship, I’d just play the waiting game.
I’d wait until the person sensed I was no longer interested or until they found someone willing to give them what I wouldn’t. Both would happen pretty quickly. The one time it didn’t though, I had one of my friends convince my guy to break up with me for me.
Relationship expectations shifted drastically when I got to college.
I surprised myself with how badly I desired a relationship, and how unfulfilled I felt not having one. My freshman year I was single, and still operating from a sheltered mindset so I didn’t press or delve too deep into making myself someone’s girl.
It wasn’t until the summer going into my sophomore year where I realized the chains keeping me from getting what I wanted were more mental than physical. Technically, I could do whatever I wanted. I could be whomever I desired, and there was a real burn to wear that girlfriend label. I had no idea why the need was so great, often to the point where my singleness would depress me or lead me to tears, I just knew having that would make me complete.
Early sophomore year I was approached by a freshman who expressed interest in me, but I wasn’t interested in him. As he persisted over the next few weeks, my thinking shifted to appreciation that someone even felt I was worth being interested in. I agreed to date him, not because I was truly interested but because I felt validated and desired. Shortly after that relationship I began dating a guy I’d been good friends with for a while, whom I really liked.I'd wait until they found someone willing to give them what I wouldn't. -Amber Zuri #savedsingleanddating Click To Tweet
Somewhere in the middle of us dating, it was like I woke up and all my friends were gone. I’d gotten in the habit of blowing them off so I could hang out with him, or not evens me and with them so I could kick it with him just in case he happened to be free. I didn’t want there to be anything standing in the way of my being with him. I’d my mind made up that he was the greatest thing to happen to me. Pretty much, I was prepared to date him throughout college, marry him and have his babies.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was deeply depressed.
I began skipping classes, and didn’t leave my room if I didn’t have to for about a month. I’d look at his pictures and wait for my phone to light up with his name day after day.
Randomly one day, I had a moment of consciousness that something wasn’t right. Our relationship had ups and downs like any, but I had this deep feeling that something wasn’t right. He was a phenomenal guy, and a great friend but I couldn’t shake that we weren’t supposed to be together.
My identity was completely wrapped in my being with this man, having the title of being his and being seen as worthwhile as a person. Yet at the core I was empty, confused and pressuring him to give me something he couldn’t. I could not put into literal words what I needed, just the higher feeling of wholeness I wasn’t getting from that or any previous relationship.
If you want to check out Amber, you can here:
If you have a story about how your life changed when you accept Christ, dating and your struggles in it, or just about how you have grown as a woman in some capacity, drop me a line here and let’s chat!