You know how when you were a teenager and first licensed you would get in the car and just drive without even having a destination? (I know me and my friends were NOT the only ones who did that!) But as you got older and you really started to value a dollar and had to pay for gas, you cut out that foolishness. When you got in the car, you not only thought about where you were going but the best route to get there.
Let me ask you a question…
If you are dating just because, and not to find your life mate what’s the point?
If you are in your early to mid twenties, it’s a different story, and another topic for another day, but this still applies to you, so read on…
But to those of us, who are beyond that stage in life, there are some things we need to be thinking about and looking for in a mate; and intentionally doing so.
While this is not to exclude those who have already passed the 40 yard line in this journey of life, it is more to get the younstas thinking in a different way. By the time most people have hit their 40’s they tend to have a greater sense of self and what they need, want and what the deal breakers are. (at least I hope so)
That’s not to say that people In their forties and beyond are not screwing it up also, cause we’ve seen it, but I’d like to think it’s less likely.
While I knew my husband in my twenties, I am so glad that God allowed him to hang around, cause I truly believe that what I thought I needed and what I actually needed were two totally different things, and I would have screwed it up without a doubt.
5 Things to Consider When You are Single and Dating:
If the person has a hard time managing taking care of themselves and their responsibilities, that is red flag number one. Life doesn’t get any easier when you add on a spouse and children if that is the lane you are gonna drive in. Finances are important and the ability to manage them are more than necessary when you have a family in tow. Does the person have on the latest and flyest fashions but complain of not having enough gas and therefore wants you to drive? Do they have phones or utilities being disconnected? Do they wake up and decide they are gonna call of work just because they feel like it?
You may want to tie up your shoes tight and take off running cause sorry, but its not likely that those things will improve when they are in their greater years.
Does your new beau have an idea of what they want from life, where they want to go and at least talking about what they think are steps toward getting there or somewhere in the neighborhood? If not, that may be cause for concern. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do, and I am still not doing it, BUT hubby and I are taking steps towards making sure that we are both doing the things that we think would bring us joy and that we would flourish in, at least in some capacity.
This is important because no one wants to come home to a person who hates the life that they have built, every day. that could get old really fast.
Does he/she have some sort of education? At minimum a high school something (GED, preferably a diploma) is necessary to take further steps, whatever they may be. College is not the avenue for everyone, but there are other ways of furthering your education and continuing to invest in yourself. You should be looking at what investments they are making into themselves, because they cant make much more of an investment in you than they are willing to make for themselves.
I won’t stay on my soapbox about this but education is a big thing for me. It is the only thing that can never be taken away from you. I personally always desire to be learning and would love to be teaching, because after all, knowledge is power, right?
*steps down off soapbox*
What do they believe in? Everyone should understand that their existence is not merely just about them and that the earth was not complete without them in it. There is a greater sense of being than just living for self and stamping every action with the current theme of “YOLO”. Women this one is HUGE! If you are expecting a man to lead you and your family one day, you need to have a firm understanding of what he believes, what and whom he feels he is accountable to, (and all things listed before here) to determine if this is what you envision for your life.
Ability to handle and manage change
Let me tell you that one thing is for sure and two things for certain, and that is that in life with a family, whether with or without children, change is inevitable. Nothing stays as it was and things will change. You need to see how a person handles change and if it is life altering to them for minor changes to happen. When you take vows, there is a reason all those things are in there: better-worse, good-bad, sickness-health. Something in that list is gonna happen, TRUST ME. How will they handle it when it does….what I thought I needed and what I actually needed were two totally different things #dating Click To Tweet
Now this is not the all inclusive list of things to be dating for, but these are some things that we tend to think about as we get older rather than in our younger years. I wish that someone had told me about these things sooner. I will say I am more than blessed that God gave me a man who I can proudly says is what I needed, but i could saved a lot of time, headache and foolishness if i have been thinking for the future rather than the right now of my foolish twenties…