A little over five years ago I was welcomed as a new employee. Putting me now, right between my fifth and sixth anniversary at my current employer.
While that may seem like a short amount of time to some, it feels like a couple of forevers for me; because I have far exceeded my welcome!
Not long after starting the job, I knew it was not where I belonged.
I am sure this, most definitely, is not my last stop on my career ride.
Instead of inspiring me and lighting a fire inside that I have seen and felt lit in me before, this place has dimmed my light and is slowly suffocating my flame.
Surprised by how fast the time has gone by, I sit and even forgot to attend my fifth year anniversary celebration because. Well, it wasn’t really a celebration to me.
Honestly it wasn’t really a celebration for me either. It’s more like protocol.
Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful for the job, the means to an end that it is.
It has allowed me to assist my husband in maintaining our lifestyle for the last 5 years.
In fact, it was an answered prayer after almost a full year of unemployment. But it is just not the end.
Not for me.
Since I have been here, there have been at least two deaths (that I know of), on site. Like right here at the job!
People here one minute, and BOOM, gone the next.
People who died, here, as in right freaking here at this darn job. Ok, I said that already, but how crazy is that?
It’s not a strenuous or even hard job; it’s indoors and most of us are behind desks. It don’t get much easier than that, right?
But after two people dying, actually dropping dead on the job, both near retirement, both ready to go and live the “good life”. Neither, ever making it. I realize, I. CAN’T. STAY!
Actually it has CONFIRMED that I can’t stay.
Every day is a new day, and you’ll never be able to find happiness if you don’t move on.
I cannot (and will not for that matter) give all of my best years to a place that will replace me the month after I drop dead, if not sooner; probably without even attending my homegoing services.
I cannot (and will not) live my life out making some one else’s dreams come true, someone else’s vision come to life, giving my best and my all to …… some one, some thing, else.
Now that is not to say that no one should do it.
There have to be people that say, “can I take your order?” People that can do my taxes, teach the children, prescribe the meds, and you know, do stuff….
But for me, here is not where I am supposed to be. There is more, I believe it, I know it….
There is more and I have overstayed my welcome.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end
So on my fifth year anniversary, it wasn’t a celebration for me. It was a reminder of how long I have been here….
Far TOO LONG!
It is a reminder that I have to keep pushing towards my dreams, my goals, and trusting that God has plans for me.
It will not end here.
I will not allow all of my memories to be buried here and all my dreams to die here one day, left unfulfilled. I just can not stay….
I challenge you if you are not satisfied with where you are, that you find out where you want to be, need to be, and start making your way there….