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Mustering up the courage to be brave doesn’t mean that the outcome will be just as we anticipate it to go. It does not even guarantee that when we spread our wings, leap and attempt to fly that the wind will cooperated and get up under our wings.
Being brave however changes you, it opens up your sense of self awareness. Sometimes immediately, or sometimes in what feels like “flight” you look at the step you took, the fear you got over, the faith you had to make that move and you are forever changed.
But the reality is, sometimes you fall.Sometimes when you are brave, you fall... but do it anyway! Click To Tweet
I opened this book and and to my surprise, realized that I was in fact Brave.
But shortly thereafter, I realized that being brave had caused me to fall, and I had the bumps and bruises to prove that falling hurts.
Ever begin reading and got to a part so good and relevant in the first couple pages that you felt you didn’t even need to read any further? You had learned the lesson, got your moneys worth and the point had been made.
This normally doesn’t happen for me, but recently, as I was reading my Reading List read for this month, Rising Strong by Brene Brown, it was the case.
I’ll share the paragraph with you in a moment, but I wanted to share how it applies to my life recently.
Not long ago I gave you a bit of background on my blended family and my perspective on it. But I never really shared any details about what brought me to this non-traditional blended family.
About a year and a half ago, I stood brave and strong even though I was in a weak and somewhat fragile state. I felt I had to, it was my turn to stand tall, open up an opportunity to grow and support my biggest supporter. My husband.
At that time, I was struggling in my parenting role; the relationship with my oldest was still strained and I was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted dealing with my youngest not sleeping and his constant crying and irritability.
I often questioned God on why he had me in that space.
Little did I know, he wasn’t done, because one Saturday night/Sunday morning, we got a call. Our phones never rang at that hour, so in my gut I knew it was not good, but it was totally not what I expected.
That call dealt a blow none of us saw coming. We were notified that we had lost my husbands baby sister (who really wasn’t a baby, but was his baby) in a terrible accident.
As reality kinda began to unfold in the days and months following, in the middle of my struggles, I saw the battle that was happening in my hubby’s mind watching me having a hard time managing but also thinking about how his nephews, particularly the oldest one needed him, a man, father-like figure that would show him love, care, grace and lessons on becoming a man.
I told my husband that while I didn’t know how I would do it, if he wanted to get her children, I supported him.
Brave is the last thing I would have classified myself as in that moment, but reading this one paragragh changed my whole perspective.
Being brave takes courage
I remember having to build up the nerve to tell him that, because in my heart I knew he needed my support. But I also remember saying ok God, by your strength and will is the only way this could possibly work.
I really didn’t know how I was going to manage responsibility for another human, I didn’t even want to believe that God would trust me in that time, in that way.
Well God and my husband took me up on my offer to be brave!Vulnerability isn't winning or losing it's having courage to show up & be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Click To Tweet
We began to transition our nephew into our home, with him eventually coming to live with us full time.
While it was a HUGE adjustment for all parties involved, the fact that we did it in the summer time when my overall mood and outlook are more positive and I possess an extra capacity to P.U.S.H through, it was all going fine.
Sunshine gives me life!
But as the sun began to set earlier each day, the days got shorter and gloomier, and my vitamin D levels plummeted, I saw my ability to manage and cope steadily declining as well. One of the perks of living in Northern Ohio.
Even still, I fought to be ok. My family needed me and there was really no room to be the weakest link.
Inside, I was mourning the past, the time when I only had two kids; questioning why I ever stood strong and told my hubby I could handle this when I knew I couldn’t, and I began to sulk in my reality and resolved this was just it.
But what I have found is that in that space is right where the devil wanted me to be. He wants me to go to a corner and declare that no one understood me,so he can get me isolated; he wants me to hold my feelings back and just respond with “fine” when people prod, asking “how are you really doing?”; and he wanted me to hear people say, “this is so awesome what you are doing” and believe that if I fail everyone will see me and know that I really wasn’t as brave as they thought I was.
Then I woke up…
This is the space I am in right now. I write this to you from a very broken space. Where I have dared to be brave and landed in a place of isolation, alienating my immediate family, crying tears silently, and faking a smile when I really want to just roll over and die.
Reading this paragraph below made me realize I am now ready to Rise Strong (thank you Brene). I am ready to learn how to enjoy the space I am in, and rise from my face being flat on the ground, and not even care who sees me.
In fact, I hope someone sees this.
I hope someone sees this and is able to relate, is encouraged to realize that falling, we do it sometimes, realizes that being brave requires being vulnerable and falling may be a little hurtful, but that they can still get up and dare to be brave again, dare to be courageous again, and dare to GROW through the experience they feel they have failed through.
While I have fell in my efforts of being brave. On my way down, I decided that I wasn’t staying wherever I landed and that I would in fact take the risk of being brave yet again. Because while I fell this time, the next or even the one after that, or even after that, I will have gathered enough courage, enough know-how or enough of whatever it takes to actually see myself fly.I hope someone sees me being brave even if I fail, it'll grow us both! Click To Tweet
I’d be willing to bet that there is someone that needs you to be brave, and their next move, their courage, their life may even depend on your being brave.
For me it is my family, in particular my nephew. He is here and he is here to stay. While this is hard for me, and a complete adjustment, filled with times of mourning the past and homesick for what used to be his life literally depends on it. He lost his birth mother, and we are the family god has placed him in. Whether it be by my birth canal or not, he is my child and while I didn’t have nine months to prepare and “get my mind right for it”, I have a lifetime to continue to dare to be brave and even one day fly. We will all be better for it!
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