Love month is about to show up in less than a week, and being the lover of love that I am, I could talk relationships, marriage, love and anything around the topic ALL.DAY.LONG!
When this time of year rolls around I like to just reflect over things I have learned about love, relationships and the like, in just the little bit of time that I have lived.
I gather that at least one someone will pick up something from and find this to be useful since friends randomly ask me questions these types of questions.
I thought it might be worth sharing, so I thought to myself, why not share this with my online friends too?? And my self replied and said “you should”…. so here you have it!
Wipe that judgement off your face. Yes I talk to myself, yes my self replies and yes it is alright…
Reflecting over the time when I was single, I noticed a pattern in the men that I would date.
They were all seemingly into me, loved to go out, loved to spend money, and even loved to spend time, but there would always be some sort of drama that appeared, at some point it inevitably always showed up; sometimes literally at the door.
It aggravated me to no end, because although I would date (*finger raised* not sleep with, but date) lots of people and sometimes multiple at the same time, I never let it get messy or cross paths. In part because I was very honest and upfront about what my intentions were, and what I was doing.
I’ve always been somewhat of an open book. I always felt that because I gave that, naturally I would get it in return. Unfortunately, ten times out of nine, that was not the case.
While most of my dating was just for fun and not necessarily for longevity, looking back, I realize the ones that I did actually like, fell into the same category as the ones I thought would be good to just “have a little fun”.
I think part of that is because I was a serial dater; jumping from “situation” to situation, often with little or no time in between. Truth be told, most times with overlap; one on the way out and one on the way in. No time to see what happened, or even think about it. Don’t know that I cared… well until I started caring.
Now that I am older, presumably wiser (which is subjective I suppose) and have the ability to look at situations around me and recognize some of my old patterns in them, I thought I would share with you how you can set yourself up to be ready for and even find a sustainable relationship where you find happiness, joy and contentment.
I don’t say these things as the end all be all to find love, but I do guarantee (sounds kinda promising right? well it is) that these things will help set you on the path.
After my last situation that I decided was my last “situation”, these are a few things that I began to do. Not so that I could find a relationship, because that wasn’t on my radar, but so that I would be content and enjoy my own company rather than seeking the company of others all the time.
Take a look back
If where you went wasn’t it, go somewhere new!
While few of my situations qualified as real relationships, I did have a few. I took time to start really thinking about what happened in those relationships, the role I played in those relationships and gathered any lessons I could grab from the experience; because truth be told, everything you have been through can serve as a life lesson in some capacity.
Get comfortable with your awesome
Be cool with spending time with you, and you alone.
I started to spend a lot of time with who became my favorite person – myself. Taking time to determine what I liked to do, what made me happy, and essentially treating myself (#treatyoself). I think in this time, I became the most in tune with myself that I had ever been. It quite possibly could be when the real introversion started to set in too.
I actually enjoyed my own company. Go figure!
I am surprised every time I hear someone speak of how much they hate being alone. Like are you kidding me? How could you not love to be in the presence of your own Awesome??
One of the greatest things I did, was getting comfortable with being in my own company. I would have nights in, and even go out alone – movies, dinner, whatever I wanted to do. I didn’t have to make arrangements, agree upon locations or anything, I just went.
I strongly suggest anyone seeking to grow, figure out how to get comfortable alone.
It helps you remove your dependency on someone else’s company to enjoy yourself and feel fulfilled.
This is valuable in starting to value the time that you waste giving to others. When you like being with yourself, you will be less likely to lend your time to people who don’t show you how much they value it.
Be courted by the creator
He made you, so he knows just how to treat you.
I wasn’t a person raised in church. As a matter of fact, if I had to, I could probably count on my hands how many times I remember going to church during my childhood. I knew who God was, and I believed in him, because while my grandfather was alive, he always took time to sit me down and plant seeds about faith.
But it wasn’t until I got older and tried to do things on my own for a while, that I actually realized what he was trying to say to me at the dinning room table every time that he would come to visit. Unfortunately I never got the opportunity to sit down and talk with him about it, once I actually got it.
But I began to seek out a relationship with my creator. I realized that there was something bigger than me that I needed to tap into. That I was put here for a purpose and until I tapped into what my creator had to say about and to me, that I would never truly be happy and content.
Let me tell you that as a married woman and mother, I still have to remind myself of this, so it’s not to say that once you get to know God it instantly becomes all good, but once you get to know God you began to understand relationships and what God intended for them, what he says to singles and what you should be doing in your singleness, and ultimately, at some point, you begin to tap into your purpose.
A relationship with the creator inevitably begins to set you on the path to purpose, whether you realize it or not.
You may be thinking, “duh, I am living”. But let me share what I mean.
This one goes hand in hand with getting to know yourself. You should be finding what you love to do, and actually doing it. Finding ways to better yourself and actually have something to bring to the table in a relationship rather than a bunch of packed bags.
God gave us the gift of life,
it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well
We all inevitably have baggage, and the person we settle down with should be the person willing to help us unpack them, but what else will you bring with you?
I say all this speaking just as B, the non-love expert that I am. But consequently, I have become an expert at being me, and so from those files I share this with you.