I’m B, But I’m No Bey
While I am in no way comparing myself to Bey, dissing Bey, or anything of the sort (stand down Bey-hive), I am saying that the person I am today was created, as opposed to the person that was born thirty something years ago.
Some women were made but me,
myself I like to think that I was created for a special purpose…
Not created in the sense that there is any falsification to her, but created in that she has fought to be who she is and there are major influences that have helped to shape and mold her. I don’t say this, as if it is a concept that in exclusive to myself. Personally, I beleive this is the case with all of us, and whether we are aware of it or not, could determine whether we actually like the person that stands before us when we look in the mirror.
Think about it.
Free to Explore
We are born. We are given a name. We are raised by whomever God entrusted with the assignment, and they do what they deem to be their best (in most cases).
We become a product of that.
So much of us is shaped and molded by that.
But our true awareness of self, and actual “creation” process doesn’t begin until we are set free; free to explore, experiment and evolve into who we were meant to be and who we want to be – if we are lucky it’s a healthy mix of both.
Our true awareness of self & actual 'creation' process doesn’t begin until we are set free Click To Tweet
I was born my mother’s daughter. A light skinned, long haired little girl with ponytails who would cry if I got dirty outside and demand to be changed – to start fresh.
I grew into an awkward child, taller than most my age, shapely at a young age, and with a gap in my teeth that mimicked those before me on my mother’s side.
My childhood was made up of big holiday celebrations, early bedtimes, a home cooked meal every day (except Friday and Saturday), and a bed time deemed appropriate for children – structure and lots of it; but with plenty of fun.
As a teen I didn’t do much out of the ordinary, I wasn’t an athlete, or involved in any social clubs.
Band, I was in the band – played the sax, for a little while, at least.
I made good enough grades, as anything less than a C was unacceptable and a C required an explanation of how I got there and what the plan was to do better.
Daily, I came home, checked in, had a snack, did my homework and chores and hung out outside or talked to friends on the phone. Started my first real job on my 16th birthday, as I was so ready to work and earn my own even then. Graduated at 17 and went to college.
That’s when things got interesting, to say the least. LOL
Nonetheless, I have evolved into a woman who is still self-defining herself as awkward, because she tends to feel like she doesn’t fit in – and I am good with that.
Even though I’ve tried to correct it with braces, I still have that gap in my teeth, just slightly modified; I guess God said he put it there and it was meant to be there.
I still find myself needing to press refresh and reset in order to refocus and feel like me again; just like the pint sized version of myself.
I hold class high (a lady should always have class), think intensively, and sometimes walk in circles to arrive at my destination.
I am a mother and a wife, something I never thought I would be, or even aspired to be, but have found my family to be my greatest reward, although I love and struggle with both roles. My life is so unstructured and I keep trying to put it into a box, and in the interim I drive myself crazy.
As I look back, I am often times amazed at the growth that has manifested in me. It has been nothing short of the grace and mercy of God!!
Purpose is Born
My better self , the one who started my journey to who I wanted to be, was initially born with the birth of my first child, my daughter – she changed me.
This new being is the doer; the one with the creative energy. She strives to be good in balance and thus be a good person.
She doesn’t strive for perfection because it is totally subjective, but she strives for a feeling of euphoria that comes from all things syncing and moving like a well-oiled machine.
In her view of herself, she wears a cape, like all super hero’s do – duh! It helps her to fight the struggle of balancing her domestic inclination with her artistic aspiration.
I have come to realize that as a young girl I didn’t really dream, I just kind of existed. I lived in each moment and didn’t think about or dream of what those moments ahead of me would look like or bring.
Looking back, it feels as though life before I chose to be who I wanted to be, was pretty much black and white. But along with her cape, she brought her color palette to finish the picture.
The Womans Reflection Experience is a reflection of that in all of us; the struggle to balance it all and be good – not perfect, but good. To look at life – the past, present and think about the future- and learn lessons, to live, to encourage and be encouraged – to grow and be an encourager….
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