This is a guest post from Tiffany of Steel Strong. You can read more about her in the author bio below.
He was quite charming, the type of guy that knew exactly what to do to sweep you off your feet. It was as if he possessed a sixth sense. One that allows a man to understand women without going to google first. He was an exceptional fellow, very handsome, well liked, and highly esteemed in the work place and in the community. Do you know someone like that?
I knew a guy like that, and I can recall asking myself, “why is he single?” I knew he had several failed relationships, but per his stories these women just couldn’t get their acts together. For that reason, I pitied them, they had a great guy and they lost him due to their immaturity, insecurity, or inadequacies. Well, I dated the guy and I ended up just like the others, sitting in front of a counselor, wondering…How did I miss it?
How did I miss obvious behavior patterns that he possessed making him part of the 6% diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
A person with NPD has views of grandiosity, they lack empathy, and have a need for admiration, which leads them to create a false self. A self that is flawless before man. The moment their identity begins to unravel they create a plot to retaliate and protect their false self.
Retaliation comes in the form of acts of rage, infidelity, and the infamous devalue and discard.
At the end of a Narcissistic cycle you will be left with many questions, feelings of worthlessness, and even despair. Honestly, my experience was traumatic and I know many can attest. Hence the fact that the statement Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse even exist.
Well, I AM a survivor!
So today, it is my intention to share a few strategies that I used to survive Narcissistic abuse.
Before I go further, I want to say that NPD is a very serious disorder that should not be thrown around loosely. I say this to prevent people from labeling every selfish and vain person as Narcissistic. A person with NPD does not see their own wrongs so they will not see a counselor to be diagnosed. That is why sound judgement, a strong support system, and a counselor familiar with personality disorders are needed for your own personal health.
Find a Counselor
Although I am not the one with the personality disorder I saw a counselor because the effects of narcissistic abuse can be quite damaging.
When you esteem someone highly, their negative views of you may affect you if the comments made are taken at face value.
Other times, a person with NPD can try to make you think something is wrong with you by claiming you are delusional or over exaggerating when you confront them.
They may even try to make sure others see you in a negative light. You will not be able to counter every negative comment made behind your back. But you can value those who continue to trust your character and ignore the hearsay.
A counselor can be an unbiased third party who can help you see clearly. Someone who tells you, NO!
If you are a victim of abuse, pain, sadness, and fear are expected emotions. To have these emotions does not make you weak. They actually mean you are healthy and normal.
In fact, it is these emotions that a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder desires the most. They may act like you are overly emotional but they covet your emotions due to their own inability to feel.
You have to decide to make no contact.
If you are no longer providing your narcissistic lover with their much-needed ego boost you left them with no other option but to find someone that will. Remember a narcissistic lover is a serial dater. One who jumps from one victim to the next. They jump with the expectancy that they can always go back to their past lovers.
For that very reason, the No Contact rule is a Narcissist worst nightmare.
A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder may walk away and then return with stories of how they have changed and why they deserve another chance.
Don’t believe it!
Everyone deserves forgiveness, but do not be deceived. Unless this person can admit to their problem and receive the proper professional help, they have not changed!
Although many may ask, who am I to judge? I can say with confidence that NPD is a real diagnosis that requires real treatment. Therefore, as stated earlier, “NPD is a very serious disorder that should not be thrown around loosely.”
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who possess the traits mentioned here, please take the time to reevaluate your relationship.
A relationship with someone with NPD is always one sided. Of course, it did not start that way, which is why you may hold on. However, now that he has you, the charming guy who use to sweep you off your feet is never coming back. In fact, he never existed.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed counselor or psychologist, but I am sharing information based on my experience. Every person’s experience will be different, but always seek help and advice from a licensed professional.