Today’s post is a guest post from my friend Vee Joyful from Hey Sis…, a place of meaningful girl talk and My Book of Randoms, where it is just plain funny. To learn more about her, see more info below.
Recently, my love muffin, my youngest son, came home from camp. He limped into the house and instantly showed me his bandaged knee, with blood showing through the bandage, along with additional cuts on his leg.
He explained how it happened. He was playing excitedly at camp, took a chance, and ended up injured. I removed the bandage that a camp counselor had placed on it, only to reveal a bloody mess.
This scrape was a doozie.
He’s not one to grimace at pain, even though I am one who tries to baby him (lol), so when he flinched and groaned I realized it was serious. I tended to it. I washed it in peroxide, and as we watched it bubble over I explained that the peroxide was cleaning it out.
I placed another bandage on it so he could sleep without rubbing it on his sheets and irritating it, but explained that soon we would have to remove the bandage, and let it get some air so it could heal.
Two days later he let me know that it still hurt, but not as much. I looked at it and realized it was starting to heal; a firm crust (not quite a scab) had formed.
I told him not to mess with it because picking with it would impede the healing process. He said when he walked it hurt more, and I explained because it was on a joint, when he used the joint, he would experience some pain. But if he left it alone, eventually it wouldn’t hurt at all.
I coddled him through this process. He had never experienced such a bad cut, and I wanted him to know I was there. But I made sure he got up to play and do normal activity, to use his knee.
It was still functioning and he couldn’t let the fear of pain cause him to not use his knee. Careful of his knee? Yes! But could he skip playing? Walking? No. It was healing.
He didn’t fully understand me. But he trusted me.
The other night, I chuckled to myself at the conversations about healing; it was the exact conversation God had with me.
The bruise on my knee was actually a bruised heart from the pain of my wusbands affairs and the impending divorce that it caused. My son’s healing took days. Mine took a little while longer.
I didn’t fully understand God. But I trusted Him.
The peroxide, in my case, was an examination of what I could have done differently or better. I don’t own his affairs. That’s all him. But outside of that, what could I change? What have I learned?
I have also had to diligently confess my anger and my hatred towards him, and all his mistresses that knowingly ripped my family apart. Bottling all that up inside only affected and burdened me. And I was on a mission to heal!
Once you do embark upon the separation or divorce process, it is very important to remember three key things: Be kind, be reasonable, be brief. Remember that this person will no longer be your spouse, but he or she will continue to be your co-parent, family member, and perhaps business partner in certain assets or entities.
Each time I took a progressive step towards healing, something would cause me to attempt to pick at the scab.
I would cry out to God in anger, “You let him do this and this and this to me! Why?!”.
Before I knew it I was a sobbing mess, with a bloody, hurting heart, and wound reopened.
Eventually I got it. Stop picking at the scab.
Stop listening to others report his posts on social media.
Stop responding to his flirtatious texts.
When I felt my crippled heart try to coerce my brain to go down memory lane, good and bad, I prayed for strength to stop that too.
It’s my heart and I’m human, I wasn’t perfect at this. But I learned to do my best. That’s where God met me and took me further.
Divorce hurts. If you have never experienced it, God Bless you. If you have, may God bless you a little more. There are good days and bad days and in between days. In the same second you are liable to laugh AND cry. And in the next second you want to run your wusband over with a Mack truck, then tend to his wounds.
And that is ok. It’s a process. Healing is a process. And it takes time.If God allowed all that glory in the past, it’s because He has some glory for your future. w/… Click To Tweet
Don’t pick at the scabs.
Don’t allow yourself to revert back to places God has healed.
Don’t allow random men to occupy the space your wusband previously held.
Keep going. Keep pushing. Get your prayer life strong. Get in your word. Get to the better you. And when the time comes, you will know when. But don’t be afraid to love again.
If God allowed all that gory in the past, it’s because He has some glory for your future.